No Small Victory

Milestones can be a tricky thing with autism. No parent knows thier child has autism the day they are born, or even shortly afterward. Most children with a diagnosis of autism don't show obvious signs unti close to 12-18 months old. The average age of diagnosis is after four years old. So a parent of a child with autism expects all of the typical milestones to happen. . . until they don't.

At first you make excuses. "He's a boy and boys do things slower than girls." "He's just in his own world." "He crawls so well that he doesn't want to walk." "We talk so much for him that he doesn't need to." "He will do things in his own time." "So and so's kid didn't talk until he was 3 and now he never shuts up." People have well meaning intentions and as a parent you make excuses because there is no way your child can have a disability. That sort of thing happens to other people, not you.

Playgrounds are hard. Talking to other mom friends his hard. Even watching typical developing children on tv is enough to make you angry. During those early years of autism when Nolan was very young, even perfectly posed kids on Christmas cards made me want to cry. The hardest thing to me wasn't watching other kids Nolan's age do things he couldn't do, but to see his sister, Harper, who was 16 months younger, pass him developmentally. That was tough because you notice where your atypical child is lacking every single day.

While all of this can be so hard and gut wreching to watch, autism has a funny way of bringing you just as much joy if you let it. Nolan didn't walk until he was 16 months old. He said his first functional word one month before he turned 5. The little punk still won't say mama but said Daddy like a champ about 6 months ago! The thing about milestones and autism is that it teaches you hope and patience. There was a time in our life not too long ago we truly weren't sure if Nolan would ever talk. We never gave up hope but it sure dwindled the older he got. Then, one day it just happened. Same thing with all the other milestones he has hit.

You see, it may take him a little bit longer because he has to work so hard at it, but I'm telling you the joy that comes with each milestone is like nothing that comes from a typical child's. It's just as special, don't get me wrong, but when you've waited and waited, and hoped until you wonder if you are just being naive, and prayed until you don't have the words anymore. . . and then it happens, it is an indescribable feeling! Small victories make for the biggest parties at our house! The funny thing is that Harper doesn't like to be left out so we celebrate what she can do everytime Nolan has a victory too! Then we all clap and cheer for each other!

Our latest victory at the Harrell home happened earlier this week. Since switching Nolan to gluten free/dairy free diet the things he is willing to eat is pretty slim. I felt bad giving him chicken nuggets and turkey bacon AGAIN so we decided to try oatmeal. Nolan used to LOVE oatmeal but the last time we tried it (a few months ago) he refused. I figured he would refuse again but it was worth a try. Let me tell you the shock on our faces when Hunter pushed the bowl of oatmeal up to him and he picked up the spoon, scooped out his oatmeal, and ate it like it's what he was born to do! We didn't even know what to say! You see, up until that moment, anytime Nolan would eat with a spoon he was very rigid, couldn't scoop it up by himself, and half the time barely tried to feed himself. He could do it, but I think it was so much work on his part physically and mentally that it wasn't worth it to him. For whatever reason, on this day it was SO worth it! The glory of it was his rigidity was gone now and he was even holding the bowl! This seems like something so normal but it's something that his brain really had to work at to learn to do. To hold the spoon right, hold the bowl at the same time, scoop up the food, and feed himself is a HUGE deal, espeically since it came out of nowhere! We were so excited and praised every bite . . . and you could tell he was proud. Even Harper, gave me a high five to celebrate.

It's moments like that one that give you enough hope and patience and strength to keep pressing on towards the next goal and the next small victory. The saying goes that with autism there is no small victory and it makes life so much more beautiful. Now, when i see another child Nolan's age or even his sister do something he can't, the anger and frustration aren't there. Nolan is about to be 6 years old but in our everyday life he's compared to no one. He is just his own person growing at his own rate. For every skill he hasn't mastered (yet) there are even more things he can do that a typical child his age can't and those are things we focus on!