Take the Time

Two weeks ago one of our biggest fears happened - we had to take Nolan to the Emergency Room. I think every parent worries about the day they have to take their child to the hospital. The waiting, doctors, possible needles, etc are enough to make anyone anxious. We've often talked about what it may be like if Nolan ever had to go. We can't bribe him to cooperate. Not because he doesn't understand. . . he just won't be influenced like that. He is also very strong for his age. Most special needs parents I've talked to say the same about their child. It's like they don't know their own strength.. Don't underestimate his size. . he's quick and tough as nails!

We've avoided the Emergency Room several times because even though the situation was hard at the time, the ER would have been even worse. When he was two years old he pulled a shelf over on himself at daycare causing a huge gash on his forehead. Luckily, I worked at a medical clinic with a great doctor who gave us a house call. We patched him up at home with some surgical glue; and while it wasn't a good experience, it was much better than it would have been at the hospital. Another time, Nolan bit the inside of his mouth so hard that he wouldn't eat or drink for three days. We tried EVERYTHING and kept thinking surely he would drink something soon. He fell asleep with his mouth pried shut and woke up the same way. Thank God for a friend, who is also a pediatrician, who gave us so much great advice. The third day we were finally able to hold him down and put some drops of fluid in him with a syringe. It was a long day of doing that before he finally opened his mouth willingly. And as hard as that was on him and us, the Emergency Room with its needles and IV fluids would have been so much harder and traumatic for him.

On this particular day the kids got out of school early due to bad weather that was coming. I was already working as a sub that day at school so I picked up my kids and their cousins, d and planned to head to my house. I got Nolan, Randi Rae, and Mary Bradlie first then headed to the other side of the school. I was in such a hurry that I quickly told the teacher who had Harper and Parker to just put them in on the driver's side back seat. I didn't even think to look where Nolan was. I figured once everybody got in I'd have somebody buckle him, get themselves buckled, and go home. The teacher opened the door to let them in and Nolan, who was leaning on the door, fell out. He landed on the curb with his arm and broke it in two places. It was just a freak accident although I blamed myself and the teacher, who is also a friend of ours, was so upset. Fast forward what felt like an eternity, but was only about five minutes, I carried him in the Emergency Room with Hunter at my side. We couldn't patch this up at home.

There were so many people praying for him because taking a child who has autism with a broken arm to the hospital is bound to be a train wreck. He's in unbearable pain, doesn't really understand what to expect, and wasn't able to tell us anything of it. All I can say is prayer worked because that boy amazed us all. He was upset of course, but once we got in a bed (which was very quickly) he just insisted on watching videos on my phone. As long as he could do that he was okay. It was almost like he knew that would distract him from the pain. They gave him pain meds by shooting it up his nose and he cooperated the whole time. This is the same kid that when he sees a syringe to take medicine or anything at home he screams as if he's dying. He cooperated with the X-rays the entire time and he hadn't even had pain medicine at that point. It was just God. The surgeon stayed after hours to take care of him in the Operating Room and we were home by 7:30pm.

This isn't just a blog post about our experience in the hospital and how good it was. I know so many people have bad experiences in these same situations and I'm so thankful ours wasn't this time. I want to point out something that has been on my mind ever since that day. Most people find out Nolan has autism and they make a sad face or just no particular face at all. And 99% of the time when I tell them he has autism they look straight at me and continue to talk to me about the current situation. But at this visit to the ER, the doctor and the surgeon both came into the room as separate times and immediately began talking to Nolan. I told them he has autism because I didn't want them to be confused when he didn't reply. Each doctor smiled, said "I know," and continued talking to him even though Nolan rarely gave them any attention. This was everything to me.

They treated him as if he were any other child or person. Even when he didn't pay attention to them they tried to interact with him and still asked him questions and told him what was going on. I'm not sure they will ever know how much that meant to me. When I worked in the healthcare field as a nurse I saw the opposite happen so much. Mostly with children and elderly. We assume that because the person is very young, disabled, or old that they won't understand. It may take more patience on our part but we shouldn't take away that person's dignity by talking over them. That goes for any situation in life not just professional ones. Nolan hears you whether he responds or not. He hears you even if he ignores you. And he deserves to be talked to and paid attention to just like everyone else. If he jabbers at you and you don't understand, just smile and nod. Ask him for a high five or knuckles. Inclusion is everything.

I didn't expect anyone in that hospital to really talk to him and I would have been okay if they didn't; because that is cultural norm. But I am thankful that they did. It reminded me of what Luke 6:31 says, "Do to others as you would have them do to you." Such a simple thing but so often overlooked. Slow down and make time to meet people where they are. It could be you or someone you love that needs that extra attention some day; and you'll be so thankful for it.