The Countdown

I used to count down the days until school started and celebrate the day I dropped them off. "By August, I was exhausted, running on empty, and more than ready for a break."I feel a little guilty admitting that, but I know so many moms can relate; especially those who have kids with special needs. You see, autism doesn't take a vacation just because school does. The early mornings are still very early, routines are gone,, and even fun things like vacations or day trips need extra planning and flexibility. But for me, somewhere along the way, things changed. These days, instead of counting down with excitement, I find myself dreading the first day of school.

Don't get me wrong—I appreciate the routines of the school year and even the moments of peace and quiet that come with it. But now, August feels less like the beginning of a new school year and more like the end of a summer I'll never get back.

Every year, I get a front-row seat to watch Nolan and Harper grow and change. Harper used to follow me from room to room, my little shadow never far behind. Now she'd rather sleep until noon, FaceTime her friends, watch TV, or spend the afternoon at the pool. Nolan used to struggle so much to tell me what he wanted or needed. Now he's so bossy it's hilarious! He'll repeatedly say things like, "car, cereal, cup, pool, TV, outside, banana, or chicken," until someone gets the message. Just recently, he asked to get in the car and drive to Florida by repeatedly pointing to a Legoland magnet on our refrigerator while saying “car,” and “go!” I usually choose my battles with him, but he has to wait on that one! 

Those are the kinds of moments I don't want to miss. The ordinary afternoons that somehow become the ones you remember most. And honestly, if I'm being real about it, there's always going to be a part of me that worries when it's time to send my kids out into a world that can be so hard for them. Will they find their place? Will they be safe? Will they be understood? Will others see the funny, determined, and smart kids we know and love at home?

And because Nolan can't come home from school and tell me about his day, I'll always hope, and pray that he felt loved, had some laughs, and learned something new. There was a time when I wondered whether Nolan was learning at all, but today, I’m so thankful that  I know he is!  He soaks up anything and everything around him, whether he shows it or not. Through our Spelling to Communicate journey, he's shown us that beyond a shadow of a doubt. Knowing that has changed everything! It hasn't taken away the hard parts of autism, but it has filled our hearts with so much hope for what's ahead.

For now, we will soak up the last days of summer and get ready for a new school year! I know it will give them a chance to grow, to learn, and maybe to teach others what acceptance and kindness look like. My end of summer countdown looks a little different this time. It's full of gratitude for the summer we've had, hope for the year ahead, and trust that God is already working in ways we can’t see!

Wherever this school year finds you—whether you're the parent crying in the drop-off line, the teacher welcoming a new classroom, or the student choosing who to sit with at lunch—I hope you'll remember this: every person just wants to be seen, understood, and loved. Be the one who offers that kindness. And if you're a parent like me, take a deep breath and know that God is already there and always has been.