Try It

Last week I sat down to write several times; but nothing came of it but frustration. I had no hope or inspiration to offer. It's hard to hand out encouragement when you're in need of it yourself. Nolan was having a rough couple of days and couldn't tell us why. I had a bad cold and wasn't motivated to do much of anything. I told myself I would write anyways; if anything just for me, but life happened and before I knew it Wednesday had come and gone.

Thank goodness rough days don't last. The weekend was full of much needed time with friends and family, and lots of firsts for Nolan too! He got to ride the inner tube at the lake for the first time this summer and loved every second of it! He also got to see fireworks for the first time! He wasn't sure about it at first but he got his daddy to hold his ears and ended up loving it! He would say, "one, one, one, go" which basically means "I'm gonna count so the next firework will go off." Ha! Hunter told him to say "boom," so sometimes he would say that instead of "go!"

I can remember a time when so much anxiety would surround weekends like this. For weeks I would worry and try to prepare for a holiday weekend filled with situations that could cause Nolan extra stress. Will there be too many people and too much noise at this family gathering? What if there isn't a quiet place we can take him to calm down? What if he has a big tantrum or a meltdown? And what if everybody sees? What if the fireworks are too much for him? I could go on and on with these thoughts but the point is that holidays bring extra anxiety and stress to the special needs world. Routine and predictability are everything and make me feel secure because it makes Nolan feel secure.

It took me a long time to realize that because life doesn't guarantee 100% predictability, avoiding those situations we can't control isn't the answer. If we wanted Nolan to be independent as he grows up we had to face some of those situations that give him stress. I'm not saying we pick the hardest thing and jump in head first and hope for the best. We prepare as much as we can for that big family gathering and have a plan if he needs a break. We don't go to the biggest firework show in town but go to one that has an easy exit in case he hates them. We tell him where we are going and what we're going to do. And we check our insecurities at the door because there isn't enough energy to worry about what other people might think.

This sounds so easy but it's not. It is hard to put your child in a situation that can be difficult for him. I remind myself that I have to prepare him for life and it is not always comfortable and secure. He won't always be able to control the environment around him and he has to learn to adapt too.Those early years of autism were so hard and the meltdowns were so intense. That leaves a sense of anxiety with any new situation for a special needs parent. Honestly, most of the time he surprises us. The things we aren't sure he will be able to tolerate, he ends up loving! Oh the life lessons this boy and autism has taught me without even knowing it!

I'm not saying go pick the hardest social situation and go there during the busiest time. I'm saying the next time the opportunity comes whether it is a holiday or just something fun for your family, don't immediately turn it down. Think about it, prepare for it, and try it. You will grow as much as your child will. Sometimes it will be. total flop and you will all go home early; shake it off and give yourself some grace. But sometimes it will be amazing and you will have taught yourself and your child that you can conquer big things.