Nine

My little boy isn’t so little anymore.

On February 10th of this year, he turned nine years old. NINE!!

I know some of you out there with teenagers and adult children may think nine is still such a young age. Yeah, I know, there’s plenty of time ahead to spend with your kid at that age.

But my son is different. He has autism.

He is smarter than other nine year old kids when it comes to certain things like technology. It is truly amazing what this kid can do and create with an iPhone camera sometimes. And his memory is incredible.

Physically his weight and height are a little small for his age, but his strength is definitely that of a nine year old boy.

But the way he learns, and his interests are at a much younger age. He can write his name and do simple math with assistance. He loves ABCs and can write all of them but gets a little confused at times. He loves Peppa Pig, Cocomelon, Mickey Mouse, and Paw Patrol. He is mostly interested in the baby characters right now, and even loves to pretend to be like them. At least twenty times a day he says, “baby,” and points to himself; and you HAVE to say it back to him. He loves for you to repeat the things he says. It’s easy to do though, because there was a time, I begged him to say a word; any word at all. And that smile you get when you repeat his words is priceless.

Because of Nolan’s lack of language his behavior is different than other nine year olds. His emotions are big. When he is happy there are squeals and contagious laughter. When he’s upset you will hear crying and whining noises. With this new love of babies, he also likes to mimic the crying baby on Cocomelon or Peppa Pig so sometimes there isn’t anything wrong; he is just pretending!

The differences in Nolan and kids his age rarely bothered me when he was growing up. All kids are silly and quirky and different anyways. But at nine years old Nolan’s learning, language, and behavior stand out more than they used to. A six or seven year old laying on the ground throwing a fit is different but not too bad. I could scoop him up, fix the problem, and move on. At nine years old, he’s bigger and those emotions are just as big.

I honestly don’t care what other people think about my boy and his differences. It is our world we live in and other people’s choice how they want to react. But if I’m being honest my feelings have taken a hit. It’s harder to ignore the difference. Other nine year olds are maturing and changing into pre-teens, while Nolan is still interested in the same things as when he was five years old. He isn’t a little boy anymore and it gets more obvious to me all the time.

Things don’t always turn out the way we want them to in life. My son is not a disappointment; but autism took away how I thought my life would look. Satan wants me to focus on that. He reminds me that Nolan is different, and things are harder for him and us because of autism. When I focus on that I don’t have room in my mind or heart for anybody but myself. Sometimes it’s easy to shake it off, remember the joy that kid brings and move on. Other times it takes some extra prayer, some good praise music, and long chats with my husband who is the only person who completely gets it.

The point is that no matter what, I always put those negative thoughts behind me eventually. I once heard a guy say that you can walk through valleys in your life, but don’t pitch a tent there. Life is full of the good times on the mountain and the valleys of gloom and doom. It’s okay to feel all the things but don’t let Satan keep you there. Find what works for you. A hobby that gives you joy, music, friends, family, or google God’s promises if you don’t have a Bible in front of you. God didn’t give us this life to wallow in it. He gave it to us to find joy despite our circumstances, to know Him, and to make Him known.

My son, Nolan, is nine years old.

He has autism.

Sometimes autism makes our world very hard but oh the joy it brings too.

Life is too short to stay in that valley. Keep your head up, find the joy, mountains are up ahead.