Change

It's been a while since I've taken the time to sit down to write a blog post. If I'm being honest I think it is mostly because there is so much going on in this busy mind of mine that it seemed overwhelming to sit down and try to sort it all out. This is probably going be long winded. . you've been warned.

Most people either read on social media or heard through the grapevine that I recently quit my job to stay home with Nolan. While that is very true, I feel like there is so much more to it than just that.

I've been a nurse for almost 10 years and I never once thought that I'd ever quit my job. But you know what? God's got a sense of humor. "I could never be a stay at home mom. I'd go crazy," "I just don't how people do it because I'm looking forward to work on Mondays," and my favorite, "I love my job. I actually wake up in the morning excited about going!" These are all statements I've made over the last 3 years since Nolan was diagnosed with autism. And guess what? They were all true. I loved my job. It was my passion, my drive, and I'd like think I was good at it. But have you ever heard the quote, "if you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans?" I'm pretty sure it was created for people like me.

We had the best support system that would help get Nolan everywhere he needed to go but there has always been a part of me that was jealous of anyone who got to take him to school, to therapy, or keep him at home in the afternoons. Everyone did such a great job and I'm forever grateful. But if I"m being honest, I've always had a longing in the back of my mind that wanted to be there. Hunter and I had talked about it several times over the past two years, but the timing was never right, it wasn't needed, and I didn't feel the need to.

However, this past year when Nolan turned 4 years old that feeling of mine got stronger and stronger. The need to be with him, working with him, and being more involved in his therapy seemed to be more and more important than my job. I started to feel torn between the two and the last couple of months my heart just wasn't there anymore.

The problem was that I was terrified to make a change. Nursing and working is all I've known and its what I love. What if it's too hard on us financially? What if its too stressful for me? What if I quit to stay with Nolan and I didn't like it? What if Nolan gets too attached to me? What if I couldn't do it? What if I failed him? But you know what? I did the only thing I knew to do. I prayed. And I prayed. I asked God to open the right doors and show me what the right decision should be.

There was no big sign in bright letters with lights on it. But there were so many little things in our lives that lined up just so and just right that there was no denying that it was God giving us the nudge we needed. So we took that leap of faith and here we are. It hasn't been easy and it still makes us nervous at times, but I am here to tell you that there is no doubt in our minds that we made the right decision for me and for Nolan.

It's hard some days because let's face it . . autism isn't easy.Harper is adjusting to not having as much mama time as she used to

It's overwhelming for me because I'm trading my role as a nurse in for therapist, mom, advocate, researcher, etc. I very rarely sit down unless we are in the car going to therapy and I definelty fall asleep faster at night! I wouldn't trade it for the world though because those little moments and little gains that I get to see and be apart of are priceless. If I can look back and say that I helped him be an independent young man in anyway then I will have no regrets.

I say ALL OF THIS in a very long winded fashion because I want you to know one thing. If there is anything in your life that you aren't sure about, can't make a decision about, or are just plain scared about. . . talk to God. You may not get an answer right away and when you do, it may not be the one you want to hear. But let me tell you something I learned a long time ago and not just in my current life changes. God's plans are so much bigger and so much better than anything you can imagine. The road to get there may not be the easiest or the most appealing, but I promise you it will be worth it.