Everyone Is Doing It

Biting nails

Twirling hair

Tapping feet

Humming

Whistling

Pacing

Everyone does at least one of these or something like it; whether they know it or not. This is called stimming.

Spinning

Lining up toys

Stacking things

Hand movements

Chewing

These are things my son, Nolan, does. This is also called stimming. Before I knew anything about autism I thought these things were just habits. Sometimes someone will say, "I love that song," and I will have no idea I was even humming. The day Nolan was diagnosed with autism I heard the word stimming. It explained the behavior he had that was so different from other kids his age. He was 2 years old and he loved to spin in circles. He also lined up toys, flapped his arms, put objects really close to his eyes, and many other things that we found kind of odd.

I'll never forget the therapist we saw the day of his diagnosis. She was an ABA therapist and at the time we had no idea what that was. We were just told that our two year old has autism and he should be ABA therapy somehow. Nevermind that we lived 100 miles away, both had full time jobs, and were completely clueless about what this therapy was. That is a story for a different day. Anyways, since we lived so far away we were offered this ABA therapist in the building to speak to and get some tips to help Nolan at home. She observed Nolan for a few minutes with his constant spinning, hands in front of his eyes, pacing, and his odd ways of playing with toys. Then she looked at us and said, "anytime you see this stimming behavior you have to interrupt and stop it." He seemed so happy doing this so it was against our nature to stop him. We agreed, got in the car with our thousands of questions and went back home.

Hindsight is 20/20 right? We were so new to autism we didn't know any better. If a person specializes in a specific therapy that is supposed to help your child then they must know what they are doing right? Wrong. We learned that not all therapy is right for every child, and that not every therapist operates the same. One day, not too long after Nolan was diagnosed with autism, I read an article that talked about stimming. Instead of discouraging it the author actually encouraged it. Not only does it help the person feel regulated and more secure but apparently he thought that joining in the child's world would make him feel more accepted; (this is all assuming there is no self harm involved). It makes sense though. We tap our feet, bite our nails, twirl our hair, hum, and all sorts of other things for make us feel regulated and more calm too. Just because Nolan does it in a different and more noticeable way doesn't make it a bad thing.

So we let him do his spinning, pacing, and lining up as along as it made him smile and no harm was done. We noticed he was more secure and calm because it was something that is predictable to him. Something he could control. Not only that but we started to slowly join him. And you know what happened? We he spun, we spun in circles with him. He paused, looked us in the eyes, and smiled. He opened up more to our world the more we joined his. It was the most amazing thing. By doing this he has slowly come out of "his world" over the years and joined us in ours. Through therapy and so much hard work on his part he is learning to adapt to this crazy and unpredictable world we all live in. But what are we doing to learn about the world he lives in? Hunter, Harper, and I live in his world every day and stimming is just one part of it. I can't wait to share more of it. I think that the more people know, understand, and accept what is different, the better chance our boy has to live a happy and independent life.

And next time you see the odd behavior feel free to ask questions . . . we are an open book! And if you're feeling real adventurous go ahead and join in. You'll never regret it.

Nolan spent time dong this - lining and stacking all this up exactly like he wanted it to be. There was a meltdown at one point because the spray bottle wouldn't sit upright on top of the white pillow "just right." Everything is exactly as he wanted it to be so when I needed to unpack the mop from the box yesterday you can imagine the tantrum that followed. He did pretty well getting over it and adjusted his little set up anyways. He does this for fun but also for security. We allow it because we want him to feel secure and feel like he has control over something in his life. But at the same time we aren't hesitant to change things up because that is how life goes. Things change and he has to learn to adjust to that. It is fun to see how his imagination works with everything he gets out and the way he puts it all together. It is different all the time. Just one of the ways stimming can be amazing and frustrating all at the same time. What are things you do to feel secure and in control of your life? And how to you react when this changes? Now pretend you are 6 years old, can't communicate very well, can't understand everything people want you to do, and don't have emotional regulation as well as other 6 year olds do. He is one of the most stubborn and strong willed kids I know. But he's also one of the most hard working and loving kids I know too. He works hard to adjust to our world so we adjust to his too.