It Will Be Okay

Parts of autism get a little easier as Nolan gets older. He is expressing himself and using more words. He doesn't require supervision 100% of the time anymore when we are at home. He is willing to try new things! But there are some things that get harder because even though he is getting older he still has autism. The communication deficit is still there. The sensory struggles are still so hard for him. He still deals with impulse control and behaviors too.

Haircuts have always been a source of anxiety and frustration for him and anyone else involved. We have worked on it in behavior therapy and made some progress, but he still has always had to be put in a bear hug and held for the whole process. He has even asked for a hair cut in the past because he usually gets Lucky Charms marshmallows as a reward. But when it came time to actually cut his hair he changed his mind.

I think it is mostly a sensory for him. The noise and feeling of the clippers, the feeling of hair falling on him, and the anxiety of his hair disappearing. We've tried scissors with the same results. We've tried cutting it in his sleep. We've tried it all. Of all the sensory challenges he faces, haircuts are the hardest. I used to hold him and let my sister, Lindsey, cut his hair when he was little. It wasn't too hard because he was only about twenty pounds and we would just do a quick buzz cut. But as he has gotten older and bigger Hunter, has had to start holding him. This always involves a lot of screaming, crying, fighting, and stress. He calms down pretty well afterwards but the marks left on his arms from holding him so tight are something that would break any parent's heart. We used to struggle with even hair brushing so we count our blessings and the progress we have made. But it is still so hard to watch and experience.

It seems like each hair cut gets a teeny tiny bit easier for him. It is snail progress but at least it is progress! I try to focus on the positive side of things so that is what I tell myself during those moments when hair cuts are necessary. I sometimes see victory stories on some of the Facebook Autism groups I'm in where a child sat for their whole haircut. I'm happy for them, but I secretly want to scream because I want that for my child! I don't want to see him suffer through something that is supposed to be simple! I would just hope and pray that one day, probably when Nolan is an adult, he would be able to have a haircut without all the trauma.

So as we got prepared for another long over due hair cut on Sunday my nerves and anxiety were high. Hunter and I have trimmed his hair on our own in the past, but this would require reinforcements so I called my sister to help. I know it is hard for her too and I am always so thankful for her. She is able to stay positive and patient in the process and this helps us so much. She also comes to our house which is even easier for us and Nolan. I had everything set up when she got there and told Nolan we were going to get a hair cut. He knows what that means and immediately scooted closer to his Daddy. Lately, we have discovered that Hunter is Nolan's source of comfort and security when he is anxious. I think it's very sweet the bond they have and I'm so thankful Hunter steps into that role the way he does.

So, usually the hair cut starts okay and then escalates into the screaming, crying, fighting stage pretty quickly. We kept waiting on it. Nolan would fuss a little but I kept handing him marshmallows and he kept cooperating. We were all on pins and needles waiting for him to decide he'd had enough and explode.

But he never did.

He cooperated so well that Lindsey was able to give him his first "big boy haircut" instead of his usual buzzcut! He wasn't happy about it but he was so tough and persevered through it. He had his daddy and his security holding him tight when he needed it. He fussed about it and whined too. But for the first time he didn't fight or try to escape.

And just like that, much sooner than I expected, he had a good experience getting his hair cut! I think we are all still in shock three days later. After everyone left I went to clean up the bathroom and out of nowhere just bursted into tears. I am not a big crier but the flood gates opened and I couldn't stop them. The relief, pride, and thankfulness I felt couldn't be pushed down. He even rubbed his hair one time and said, "my hair" and smiled so big!

The little things are so big in this world of autism. I'm not sure if Nolan will ever know how much he inspires and teaches me. His bravery and strength to endure something so uncomfortable motivates me to do the same. And I couldn't help but notice that the relationship between him and his daddy is so much like us with our Heavenly Father. He is our security, comfort, and protection when things are hard. Without him life would be so much harder to face each day. When we tried to cut Nolan's hair standing up he ran straight to his daddy. It's like he could do it as long as he was sitting in Hunter's lap. He knew no matter how uncomfortable it was he would be okay. I feel the same way about God. I can get through anything while I'm in his arms. I might do it fussing and whining but I know without a doubt that I will get through it with his help. If you don't have this comfort in God then get in his Word. He tells us all throughout the whole Bible how much he loves us and wants to take care of us. God can use the hardest times and the smallest victories to remind us of his love just as he did with something as simple as a haircut.

If you see this handsome fella be sure and tell him you like his hair!

He's so proud and so are we!