Just Breathe

A year ago I couldn’t have survived a week like this. Heck, I could barely have survived a day. At home, all day long, inside the house, off my routine. I’d have an upset stomach and a tight chest all day. It would take about a week for me to recover physically and emotionally from the anxiety.

Anxiety from being off of my routine, not being around people all day, not being busy all day, being with my child the entire day, and being forced to be still. It is something I wasn’t used to and sent me into stress mode very quickly. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy being at home with my child, even if he was sick. I just couldn’t rest.

Of course, Nolan and I didn’t have the understanding of each other that we have now. I didn’t know how to relax. . period. My days at work were go, go, go without a time to take a breath or think. As soon as I got home it was the same . . just to start over the next day. Weekends. They were for playing catch up. Laundry, clean the house, grocery shop, etc.

Now, I know so many people live in the hustle and bustle of a full time job and having a family too. I did it for a long time and it’s hard work. But honestly, I CHOSE to be busy during that time. Because to me, busy meant successful. Busy meant I didn’t have time to think about fears and worries. I made a choice. I regret that choice when I did work full-time because I didn’t enjoy life the way I could have. I didn’t know my kids the way I do now that I’ve been forced, in a sense, to just be here and be still.

When I quit work to take over Nolan’s therapies and treatments I was forced to slow down in away. I had one focus. Not the millions of things I allowed myself to focus on before. It was a transition for sure. But they say hindsight is 20/20. It just dawned on me today that a day like this would have wrecked me a year ago. A day home with a sick child.

I’m so thankful that God knows the bigger picture. I prayed so much for relief of anxiety. Anxiety that I couldn’t control and had no idea where it came from. But God. He just knows. He answered prayers about Nolan and about me all at the same time. He forced me to slow down and see what was right in front of me.. . and breathe it in.

My advice to you - wherever you are in your life, no matter how busy it is, make the daily choice to slow down. Life is too short to do it any other way. Even if it’s 5 or 10 minutes a day. Just stop and soak it up. You’ll never regret it.