Purpose

What is the purpose of life?

Why are we here?

What is God's will for me?

If you grew up going to church like I did you've probably heard about God's will. Even if you didn't grow up in church you've heard someone say, "If the Lord is willing." I can remember as a child wondering what God's will was for my life. In my mind it was something concrete. Like it was a mission that'd I'd be given to do. It would be my purpose for existence in life. It was something exciting I looked forward to! My childhood imagination went wild and I couldn't wait for the clear sign from God! What would be the purpose for my life?

As I got older, the big top secret envelope with God's will for my life never arrived. I learned about the evil and hardships of the world as a bystander and sometimes as a participant. I grew up and got less interested in the big secret will of God I'd been waiting on. I got so wrapped up with life, school, relationships, and the business of this world we live in. I soon became a nurse and it was my happy place. I sincerely looked forward to going to work most days. I knew I was born to do this - take care of people. This was God's plan for my life. I just knew it.

Five years later God bless Hunter and I with little Nolan and I officially became a mother. As soon as we got used to the being parents Harper came along and our hands were full! I loved being a mom, nurse, and wife! Life was busy, but good. I'd found another calling from God that I loved. All of these things defined who I was and I threw myself into them head first. Autism came along in 2016 just when I thought I'd found my groove in life. All the right doors opened and I quit my nursing job in 2018 to take care of the kids full time. This mostly included taking Nolan on the road half of the day to be at different therapies. I threw myself into autism and helping Nolan get better. Finding help for this kid consumed me. This was my purpose for life . . to make his better. God blessed Nolan with so many great therapists and opportunities in those years and his life improved so much in that time. This had to be God's will for my life.

When we decided Nolan was ready for school full-time in our hometownI felt so lost. I'll never forget that first day I dropped him off at school and came home to an empty house. This is something I'd dreamed about since the day I had kids! Ha! But I also felt so lost. I didn't know what my purpose was anymore. What was God's will for my life? What would I do next? What would define me?I prayed about it and waited. I realized how much work it being a stay at home mom; especially in the summer time! It is so rewarding too though! As much as I wouldn't trade it for anything, I still felt incomplete and without a goal or purpose in my life for a long time. God never gave me a clear answer of what to do next.

Just the other day I was sitting outside with Nolan enjoying the Fall weather coming in. He was so happy playing with bubbles and a ball in the yard. Harper was drawing with sidewalk chalk and singing as usual. I took a deep breath and tried to savor that moment because the Lord knew it could turn to chaos any minute! Ha! I thought to myself how thankful I am to have these moments with the kids. I thought to myself that this must be my purpose. . just to be their mom. As soon as this thought crossed my mind I had another thought that could only come from God. "Your purpose isn't just one thing. My will for you is to live day by day for me." It was like I'd been slapped in the face.

We live in a world that looks for purpose. All you have to do is a quick google search to find thousands of books and articles that will supposedly help you do this. There is nothing wrong with looking for God's will for your life. But I've learned that I'm not just a nurse, wife, daughter, special needs advocate, mom, or anything else that defines me. All of these things will come and go. My nursing career doesn't define me. Being a mom and wife doesn't define me. Being a child of God is my purpose in life. My identity is in Him and Him alone. It took me 37 years to figure this out and accept it!

I don't want it to take that long for my kids or anyone else! Harper shouldn't think the way she looks defines her, or her grades, or dance skills, or even her friends. And I don't Nolan to think for one second that autism defines who he is. This will get harder the older they get but parents' prayers are strong too! God's will for your life is to treat others the way God treats you and do your best to live for Him. He will use you in ways you can't imagine. I'm so thankful he sees the bigger picture that we can't see! So wake up each day and ask God to use for his purpose that day. It may change a few times, and it won't always be easy, but you will be so blessed. Jeremiah 29:11 in the Bible says, "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." I no longer think there is one specific will of God to accomplish, but a new experience and opportunity each day! I hope this perspective helps you see the day ahead in a new light too; one full of chances to live out God's many purposes for your life!