Sweet Summertime

In my life before kids I imagined what summertime with my future family would be like. I saw things like vacations, swimming, ice cream, and little pink cheeks from too much sun. I saw sleepovers, summer camps, playing outside until dark, and sleeping late in the mornings. That's what I remember about my childhood summers so why would it be any different for my kids?

I couldn't know I would have a child with special needs when I envisioned how summertime would be. Before Nolan, I didn't even know other families with special needs kids so I had no idea how different it could be.

I'm thankful I can stay home with our kids because finding a babysitter for a child with special needs is almost impossible. There is no sleeping in at our house because if the sun is up, Nolan is too. And Nolan isn't up by himself. . you got to be up too! Ha! There's no house full of junk food because Nolan is on a special diet. We cheat sometimes but we always pay for it when we do. Therapy doesn't stop in the summertime either so we work that into our schedule. We still work on skills goals at home during the summer too because regression is a real and scary thing. Vacations are a whole other challenge in theirselves. We don't do summer camps yet because resources aren't always there to adapt to kids with special needs.

As different as our summer looks from others though it's still full of fun times and good memories. We swim almost everyday because the water is Nolan's happy place. Whether it's the pool or the boat at the lake, Nolan is there and full of joy! He makes me laugh because when we first get there he is 1000% into it and then when he's done, he's done. He's under a towel, watching my phone, saying "car." He usually waits pretty patiently for us to be ready to go home too though.

Even though Nolan doesn't care about sleepovers and friends coming to play, his sister sure does! Our house is still full of cousins and friends a lot; and while this can be challenging for him at times, it's also good. Having different kids around gives him the socialization that he needs. It also pushes him to adapt to the interruptions from kids squealing and giggling. Sometimes he screams really loud as if to say, "SHUT UP!" Funny thing is, it usually works; at least for a moment! Honestly, sometimes I wish I could just scream like that too sometimes! Ha! Don't we all? It also teaches the kids how to interact with someone who has special challenges. Sometimes if Nolan has been up since the crack of dawn and he's exhausted, they have to be quieter than normal because his nerves are shorter than usual. Or if Nolan listens to the same five seconds of "She'll be comin around the mountain" over and over and over super loud in the car . . the kids learn the patience needed to deal with it. Its a learning experience for everybody and I'm thankful for all the kids in and out of our house because of that!

Vacation is hard on any parent and with a child with a disability it is that and more. The planning that goes into to is exhausting but the memories are worth it. We don't go out to eat on vacation usually because it is way too overstimulating for him with all the other kids and tourists. In our home town a lot of people know Nolan and that he has autism. On vacation the looks and stares are more noticeable because no one knows us. Our routine is off so that usually means super early mornings and super late nights. But all this doesn't stop us. He deserves the vacation experience just as much as any other child so we do it just a little differently. We order out a lot of food or cook at the condo; and we've grown to like that better anyways! And the stares from others? Hunter ignores them and I like to tell them about autism. Harper tells all the kids at the beach that her brother has autism, he can't talk, but he loves to play! It makes me so proud because nobody taught her to do that! We are blessed with family that loves that boy like their own and help us every step of the way on vacation too!

Our summertime looks very different from that of others but we still have all the sweet memories. We take the pictures, get the pink cheeks from too much sun, and make the best of each day we have until school starts again. It's a choice though. Behind all the good memories and good times are exhaustion, sometimes sadness and bitterness, comparison, and frustration. But we do it anyways because dwelling in those feelings don't do any good. I remind myself that it's okay to visit them but then you say goodbye and move on. Our summer is wild, crazy, loud, and busy but it's ours.

So if you are a special needs parent or caregiver, do the hard things this summer that you've always been scared to do. Go on vacation, go out to eat, or even just schedule a playdate. Once you see that you can do one hard thing you will be more confident to do another. You deserve those summertime memories too even if they look different!

And if you are not a special needs parent or caregiver, what can you do? Give grace to that special needs parent who is holding up the line. Don't stare at the child or adult making loud noises, flapping their hands, or even the one having a meltdown in public. Offer at smile, say hello, or better yet offer help. And most importantly, teach your kids to do the same. I promise you everyone will be better for it at the end of the day!